Adult ADHD: asking family for practical support in Hong Kong

ADHD and everyday life

Updated: 2 November 2026 · 7 min read

Bandai Choi
Clinical Psychologist (Australia & Hong Kong)
Board-approved supervisor

Support with ADHD-related everyday needs and family communication.

Choose one recurring difficulty at home, explain what happens, and ask to try one specific arrangement. For example: “You remember that I’ve often forgotten things. I’d like to try putting everything we need to buy on one list, then checking it before I leave. Could we try just that this week?”

After an adult ADHD diagnosis, family may still respond with “You’ve always been like that.” Conversations about groceries, chores or a family dinner can focus on the support you need for that particular situation, giving the other person something concrete to respond to.

Key points

Choose one recurring situation and explain its practical impact.
Turn “Please be more understanding” into a specific request, such as using one shopping list.
Try one arrangement, then check what helped and where things still got stuck.
Decide what diagnostic information you want to share, and with whom.

Start with one specific need

“I have ADHD and I’d like you to understand” can open the conversation. Follow it with a situation your family can recognise: when you get stuck, what happens afterwards, and one change you would like to try.

Adult ADHD difficulties can include forgetfulness, organising time, following instructions and completing tasks. NHS information gives written instructions and help structuring tasks as examples of support.^[1] The household examples below adapt those ideas into arrangements you can choose to try.

Perhaps a family member tells you several things to buy as you leave, and a missed item means another trip. You might say: “I didn’t get all of those items written down. Could we put them on one list next time?” To explore which step is difficult for you, see ADHD task difficulties: finding the sticking point.

Make one spoken request visible in a shared list.

Turn the difficulty into an arrangement you can try

Write three columns: what happens → where you get stuck → what you would like the other person to do. Adapt the example closest to your situation.

Situation at home	Specific difficulty	A request to try
Forgetting what you were asked to buy	Several spoken requests were not all recorded	“Could we put everything on one shopping list? I’ll check it before leaving.”
Dinner plans change repeatedly in the family WhatsApp group	The final time and place are scattered across messages	“Once it’s settled, could someone send one complete confirmation with the date, time and place? I’ll add it to my calendar.”
Several chores are assigned at once	Before starting, you are unsure which comes first	“Could we choose the most important one, write down what needs doing and when, then plan the others?”

For a family meal, a complete confirmation might be: “Saturday, 7 pm, at the restaurant in Mong Kok. I’ll book the table and confirm numbers by Friday.” Keep the date, place, responsibility and next action in one message so they can be checked together.

Put the request together

“The time changed a few times in the family group, and I couldn’t find the final plan. Once it’s agreed, could someone send one message with the date, time and place? I’ll put it in my calendar. Could we try that for our next dinner?”

Explain both what you are asking the other person to do and what you will do next. Clear, direct expression of your needs with respect for the other person is part of assertive communication.^[2]

What if they still say you have always been this way?

You can acknowledge what they remember and return to the arrangement you want to discuss:

“Yes, you remember that I’ve often missed things when shopping. Another trip delays dinner. I’d like to try one shared list. Would you be willing to add the items we need?”

If they say “I forget things too”, you could respond:

“You’ve experienced it too. I’m trying to address the extra trip when something gets missed. Could we try the list once?”

If the conversation becomes repeated criticism about laziness or effort, return to one question: “I’d like to discuss how to arrange this task. Would you be willing to try that approach?” When you need a pause, say so directly: “We’re getting stuck. Let’s come back to this one issue later.”

If the disagreement is about good school results, you could choose another time to read Can you have ADHD if you did well at school?. For now, focus on the next shopping trip or family dinner.

Review the arrangement and choose what to share

After the shopping trip or family meal, take a few minutes to check whether the list was easy to find, whether the information was complete, and whether you looked at it when needed. If something was still missed, identify the step that did not connect. Perhaps the items were written on paper while you checked your phone. Next time, agree which list you will both use.

You may choose to share part of your diagnostic feedback that relates to the request, look at an accessible resource together, or focus on the everyday arrangement for now. Decide who you want to tell and what you want to share. You can start with one family member you find easier to talk with.

If diagnosis has also brought relief, sadness or a new understanding of the past, see a late ADHD or autism diagnosis. When family conversations repeatedly leave you exhausted, psychological support can focus on clarifying what you want to express, practising the conversation and choosing your next steps.

Practical tips

Write down one recent situation. For example, “Yesterday I missed an item and had to go out again.” This gives you a more specific starting point than “You never understand me.”
Make one request at a time. “Put the shopping items on this list” tells the other person where to start.
State your next action. For example, “I’ll open the list before leaving and tick off the items as I buy them.”
Review one actual attempt. Keep the steps that helped and adjust where things got stuck.

ADHD task difficulties: find the sticking point: identify the observable step behind a task that feels difficult.
Can you have ADHD if you did well at school?: explore questions about academic results and ADHD.
A late ADHD or autism diagnosis: understand different feelings about diagnosis and past experiences.

Common questions

Must my family fully understand ADHD before I can ask for support?

You can begin with a specific arrangement, such as one shopping list. Questions about diagnosis can have their own conversation. Make the immediate request clear about who will do what and when.

Do I need to give my family my whole assessment report?

You can choose relevant sections, diagnostic feedback or everyday examples. Start with what you want the other person to understand, then decide which information to share.

References

NHS (2025). ADHD in adults. Reviewed 19 March 2025. Official information.
Centre for Clinical Interventions (2019). Assertiveness. Government of Western Australia. Official resource.

Adult ADHD in Hong Kong: talking with family who say you have always been this way